Friday, October 18, 2013

Never let me go... Thoughts on turning 26

This month has been really weird for me... I've been more
emotional and stressed out than usual, days have passed by
faster than I could say "days" and I still had constant feeling that
I haven't done enough or not as fast as I have expected.
Not a single one of these almost 19 days of October, that I have felt
energised and I have lacked motivation for pretty much anything.
Maybe it's been the change of the seasons, the cold, the shortage of
daylight... but I think that the big reason why I have felt like this is
because I knew that I'm turning 26 this month.

I used to love my birthdays, every time when the time came
to turn a year older I had no problem with it, quite the opposite, but
somehow this year it's been a big problem for me.
As if I just want to stop the time and stay 25 for another year.

When I look back through the past 5 years... Oh boy, so much has
happened, my life has changed completely and has been thrown upside down
so many times. I have seen, done, experienced so much, yet I feel that
I'm not in the place where I want to be.

Life is a funny thing... There's no a guide through life, to what and when life
will bring onto you. I feel that the past 5 years were really hard on me but
at the same time have thought me a lot!

I have learned how to be patient, how to love, how to follow your heart,
how to appreciate the smallest things, how to be responsible...
I have fought sadness, depression, I gave birth to a beautiful little human,
I have learned new language, travelled, found and lost myself 1000 times,
fought, loved, cried, laughed, been companion, friend, sister, mom, daughter...

YET! I feel that I haven't done everything I wanted to do by this age, nor
I have seen or experienced everything I have planned to, but you know how they
say, while people are making plans, gods are laughing at them :)

One thing that makes me more calm about tomorrow is the hope and belief
that in next 5 years I will be able to say that I'm happy where I am then,
to feel fulfilled and at pace, at least in some ways...

Some of my family members won't be able to share the "celebration" moment
with me tomorrow, but I'm happy to have the best girls company in form of my
daughter and sister while eating my birthday cake :D

Have a great weekend everyone!

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